All the answers are in this bittle lottle...uh...little bottle

The following is a paid advertisement by the makers of "50 Ways to Avoid Dealing with Your Life" and "Stories We Tell Ourselves to Make Us Feel Better"

FATE
We've Got It All Taken Care Of

Ladies and gentlemen of all times and locations, are you often left unhappy, unfulfilled, and unsatisfied with your lot in life? Your job leaves you feeling hollow, your friends leave you waiting, and your self worth is dragged in behind you like the smeared remains of a fragrant doggie doo?

Don't get angry and denounce your institution of faith! You know this "bump" is just a predetermined stab to your very being. Your terrible choices and bizarre self fulfilling prophecies had nothing to do with it. Hang in there because it is your fate to experience this humiliation. Somehow, it will make you tougher and being calloused is a good thing! Once you have grown some extra padding over the nerves that once treated you to the pleasures of life, you won't feel anything at all. Won't that be grand? Instant obliteration of all you hated.*

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "but Bob, what do I have to pay for such a service?". I am glad you asked that. When we developed this program and proved its effectiveness in our bestselling book, Oedipus Rex, the program required all sorts of subscriptions to religion and beliefs in idols, which often contradicted themselves. Thanks to progressions made in religious tolerance and other fields of belief, we are able to offer you this program with no indent on your wallet. We promise complete immunity to confusion, and in time, pain. And the best part is that it is completely free! A small sacrifice in belief of yourself with every failure and let down is not so much to ask. In fact, most people acquiesce in these situations anyway. What do you have to lose?

Let me put it to you in another way. You don't really have a choice (but, hey, isn't that what I have been saying all along?). Even if you do cancel your entire subscription to your current vehicle of beliefs, it won't matter because that too is part of your fate. We have already that down here on page 666 of your life's book. Even if you throw yourself off a bridge in the next hour, we saw it coming. Struggle all you want, we've beaten you there. Control over your life is just an illusion, hahaha. So, what do you say? Oh and if you sign your friends up, we'll also enroll you in the world's most popular opiate, karma. No more waiting for tangible justice or time spent on revenge schemes; karma is justice.

Just imagine, all your actions, inactions, choices and thoughts will never weigh on your mind again.

Fate
we've got it all taken care of.

Fate is a trademark of the ControlMass corporation, a subsidiary of Wolfram and Hart.


*we are legally obligated to remind you that love and hate are closely related and the elimination of your compassion, vulnerability and the ability to love others will be compromised as a side effect of this program