Angel Hair

Ahh..Family. Nothing brings out the wolf in us quite like some time with the pack, especially when that pack is slated to eat at the local Italian "family-style" trough. Let me describe what a family-style restaurant is. It is a place where you order large dishes, too big for one "normal" human to consume, and you place these various big servings in the middle of a three mile long thin rectangular table and watch your closest kin slyly stab each other in the leg with forks in an effort to appear civilized while still quelling the fit of "I Won't get Enough!" that is circling in their brains.

Some relatives like to seem polite and just wait until the plate is tugged their way and they take what is, for a baby elephant, one serving. Others like to be the take charge kind that ensures everyone gets some even if it means three strands of spaghetti per person and they can become warden over the remaining meatballs. I attribute these "others" to be much like people who gather as much money as possible and then don't spend it. The satisfaction is in the privileged and rare doling out. This and the "some" are my family. I am well on my way to being a fat, ruthless, control freak, alpha female.

But I digress.

The point here wasn't the picturesque scene of my uncle hoarding his plate in a corner like some sort of Garlic Bread Smeigal, it was the decor. Above the splatters of what can only reasonably be explained as marinara sauce, this restaurant is filled with pictures from some Italian fatass's family. Now the name of the place, given for the name of the fatass relative who lived in his basement and consumed most of Italy, is supposed to give some sort of explanation for the fact that it looks like an episode of Clean House. Pictures are cluttered everywhere and they are often .....saucy, to say the least. Of all the pictures that cluttered the walls: women flashing men, woman bending over, old Italian celebrities positioned in pictures right next to awkward body parts, elderly ladies giving people the finger and, yes, with weirdly positioned awkward body parts as well, one picture caught my eye.

It was a piece from the following classic painting:

I use the word piece here because the whole painting wasn't displayed, only a key part of it.
Now, we have all glanced at this thing and saw that said awkward body parts were covered cleverly in a half modest, half seductive placing of various limbs or hair extensions (clearly). Why go through all that trouble then if said awkward body part is covered with THIS?:


And yes, before you ask, this is exactly how it appeared on the wall. Just think of that tiny box with a brown frame (or whatever drapes you prefer) placed on the wall, over the shoulder of my fifteen year old brother.

In a restaurant that turns your family into animals I can't think of a better piece to be hung on the wall to punctuate the entire experience.

Scuse me while I kiss this guy

Pop songs, the mindless drivel that gets stuck in your brain like a wad of gum in a third grader's hair, are not only annoyingly addictive and usually empty (like a bag of Lays) but they are often misunderstood. Misunderstandings happen in life, but when they happen at such an alarming volume and with so much airplay, you have to wonder if some kind of subliminal work is going on here.

For example, the senior class of a nearby high school chose the song "Lips of An Angel" as their graduation song. Please, sample the lyrics:

Lips Of An Angel lyrics

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Good job, class. A song about a crazy ho who doesn't know when she's been dumped and an idiot guy who can't keep it in his pants. Sweet! I can't wait until the future is run by this generation.

Another song that has a poppy, addicting beat and a very well-placed half poetic line in it is Uncle Kracker's "Follow Me". I have heard people say, "I like this song. It's sweet". Yes, the chorus sounds pretty sweet. Yay. Everything is alright if I stay with you. Sure, tuck me in like a child. Weird, but I'll take it. Now, read the whole song please.


You don't know how you met me you don't know why
You cant turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea

I'm singin' follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
you wont find nobody else like me

I'm not worried about the ring you wear
Cause as long as no one knows then nobody can care
Your feeling guilty and I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared

I'm singin' follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I won't give you money I can't give you the sky
Your better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go astray
And we'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay

I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Don't know how you met me you don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea

I'm singin' follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm singin' follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm singin' follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Oh. Adultery. OK, so you are in love with another man. Oh, wait what was that line? "We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay?" Oh, so a romantic song about my side fuck. Keep singing it America. It was top of the charts and still plays continuously throughout the country. Yay, infidelity.



I'm taking a log. Let me know your favorite massively misunderstood song....all five of you that actually read this blog. Maybe I should start praising you. How would you like a nickname? My Disciples? People Enjoying Evil Rantings (PEER for short)? Or how about "The People That Google Brought Through the Art of Tagging"? Eh, you decide. I know it'll be difficult, you know, with that overwhelming number. Do it democratic style and vote or have one person represent all of you without actually asking you or giving you any real choices, just like real democracy!

Junk

AbsolutStranger:	Perhaps she was attracted to his insanity
CaptainGat:	Crazy guys get all the chicks.
CaptainGat:	Sometimes I try and pick a favorite Beatles album.
CaptainGat:	I can't do it.
AbsolutStranger:	I can't either. My mix cd is my favorite Beatles album.
AbsolutStranger:	My usual answer is Magical Mystery Tour or The White Album.
CaptainGat:	I'm digging Rubber Soul tonight.
CaptainGat:	Or, The Emo Album.
CaptainGat:	I want to be the guy who hangs himself with "You Won't See Me" on repeat.
CaptainGat:	How disturbing would that be in a movie?
AbsolutStranger:	I would laugh.
AbsolutStranger:	Someone should have a sex scene set to Come Together.
CaptainGat:	I'm Looking Through You in an Invisible Man montage.
AbsolutStranger:	A trailer for The Queen set to Her Majesty
AbsolutStranger:	More like a teaser
CaptainGat:	Run For Your Life, 28 Weeks Later.
deaddogseye81:	Passion of the Christ, Think For Yourself
CaptainGat:	Haha.
AbsolutStranger:	Hail to the Chief replaced with The Fool on the Hill
CaptainGat:	Eh. That song's too deep for this administration.
AbsolutStranger:	How about Funkytown?
CaptainGat:	X-Men, With a Little Help From My Friends.
AbsolutStranger:	Fast and the Furious, Drive My Car
CaptainGat:	Ouch.
AbsolutStranger:	Lost in Translation, I Saw Her Standing There
CaptainGat:	Girl, Streetcar Named Desire.
AbsolutStranger:	Cast Away, Help
AbsolutStranger:	Brokeback Mountain, You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
CaptainGat:	Too good.
CaptainGat:	Crimson Tide, Yellow Submarine?
AbsolutStranger:	Works
AbsolutStranger:	Boogie Nights, Long Long Long
CaptainGat:	Haha.
AbsolutStranger:	Happiness Is A Warm Gun, any movie concerning suicide
CaptainGat:	The Long and Winding Road in a Wizard of Oz trailer.
AbsolutStranger:	All You Need Is Love, Triumph of the Will
CaptainGat:	Get Back, any movie about someone going home again after a long time.
AbsolutStranger:	I'm Only Sleeping, any movie where the "surprise" ending is that it was all a dream.
CaptainGat:	Give everything away in the trailer?
CaptainGat:	I like it.
AbsolutStranger:	Haha
AbsolutStranger:	Pumping Iron, Carry That Weight
CaptainGat:	Dream movies and episodes can lick my balls.
AbsolutStranger:	I agree.
CaptainGat:	I let House do it twice...
AbsolutStranger:	I let House get away with a lot of annoying formulaic cliches.
AbsolutStranger:	I don't care. I still adore the character.
CaptainGat:	Orlando Bloom, Act Naturally.
AbsolutStranger:	Haha
CaptainGat:	I wish I had some good video editing software.
CaptainGat:	That's a montage I'd like to make.
AbsolutStranger:	I could try something in Windows Media
AbsolutStranger:	But I'm going to have to get good and drunk to start sifting through Orlando Bloom clips.
CaptainGat:	Romeo and Juliet, It's Only Love
AbsolutStranger:	Fatal Attraction, You Like Me Too Much
CaptainGat:	Ticket to Ride, Derailed.
AbsolutStranger:	Schindler's List, Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da
CaptainGat:	Too soon, too soon.
CaptainGat:	I'm glad I wasn't sipping on something just then.
CaptainGat:	Might've needed a new moniter.
AbsolutStranger:	United 93, Flying
AbsolutStranger:	I'm going to hell.
AbsolutStranger:	Or Wal-Mart.
AbsolutStranger:	I'll be back.

AbsolutStranger:	Indiana Jones 4, Let It Be
AbsolutStranger:	World Trade Center, We Can Work It Out
AbsolutStranger:	I'm running dry.
AbsolutStranger:	Edward Scissorhands, I Want To Hold Your Hand

The Haiku Project

Don't worry, all five of my readers, there are more blogs to come and they will have a sour, sarcastic filling as always. In the meantime, check out the Haiku Year.

Friends on Friends

One of my closest friend is working on this video game. He designs worlds. Pretty, right? Rockon Derek and respect to Bacon Man!